Category Archives: Getting it back

Chapter 4 – The Second Serious Love Of My Life – Baxtor 2004-2007

I mention the men who have had a significant impact on my life only so that if I mention them later you will know who they are. There are only two more!

This one was the most significant in starting me on a quest to find my own identity because he was so very sure about his roots. Born in Newcastle, despite living in London for over 30 years he refused to lose the accent or tell people he was from any other place except Newcastle.

I loved his sense of knowing and it made me question my own although another event would really get me looking into it in more depth

I also began to question whether I knew enough about being black and being with black people – it seems a strange thing to question but I felt as if all I needed to do to be “more black” would be to hang out with more black people.

It seemed a strange conversation to have with a white man – how to be more black – but I had it anyway because I could talk about anything with him, still can.

So with that in mind here’s an introduction to the final man in my life who has made a difference…..

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The Landmark Forum years 2001-2003

This was when my life really begun. When the shy girl was finally left behind and stepped over (I have never shaken her even now but when she tries to limit me from doing something I step past that and do it anyway!), when belief in myself was at its strongest and when I was finally able to look at myself and see a beautiful woman.

There are three core parts of the Landmark Forum

The first part – The Forum – taught me life was empty and meaningless and all the events that had happened in my life were seen in a certain way because of my spin on them. It was my perspective that was keeping me stuck and in the past. Bringing the past events into my future made sure I just got more of the same.

During this first workshop the leader recognised something in me that at that point I couldn’t see in myself. He saw me as “powerful” and having a powerful energy and I had to clue what he was talking about.

By the end of that I created possibilities in my life. The possibility of courage  – to live a courageous life and for me to be happy.

I paid for the advance course – the second part – because it just made good sense to do that. The advance course taught me how to recreate myself and my life based on what I want, leaving all the rubbish behind.

As I stood on stage to declare myself as the new me I was told to do it again – the forum leader told me I had so much power, I was a million dollar bill and I was standing there as if I was a dime!

This would be the catalyst that would help me transform my life over and over again – whenever my limiting beliefs tried to stop me I think back to what he said and use that to uplift me. I feel myself as if I really was a million dollar bill!

It also began my journey into looking into energy – how we give it out, how we take it, how we attract people not always because of the way we look but by the people we are…. more on that later!

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