When your child won’t go to school it can be a really stressful time—you end up understandably worrying about them and their future. But what is ‘school refusal? What causes school refusal? Where can you get help and what can be done? And how can you manage the situation?
I am currently working with a parent whose son who is 15yrs old has not attended school for over six months now. Mum is a lone parent and passionate about the value of education. She is extremely anxious about this situation understandably, and is fearful that her son will end up like his father – no prospects, irresponsible and an abuser of recreational drugs - At first she sought to understand what might be preventing him from attending school, but as his exams get nearer she has become increasingly more angry and expresses this to him on a aily basis. He seems not to take her concerns very seriously and continues to spend long periods of time in front of the TV when he should be at school.
Dr. M.S. Thambirajah, Karen J. Grandison and Louise De-Hayes have compiled a handbook for Professionals in Education, Health & Social Care entitled ‘Understanding School Refusal’ (2008) where they distinguish it from other forms of school non-attendance such as truancy. In the points to follow I have extracted a brief account of their contribution to our understanding of the problem, to then end with some advice on Do’s & Don’ts in this situation.
In your reading try to give some thought to the earlier case study and what you might do differently.
So what is school refusal?
It is Characterised by;
· Reluctance to go to school or refusal to attend school.
· Education suffers due to absences.
· Their confidence can be undermined.
· Their ability to form and sustain relationships can be impaired.
· Often related to anxiety and worry being experienced by your child.
· Sometimes seen as a ‘school phobia’.
· Different from truancy where child keeps away from school without parents knowledge; other behaviour problems might be present.
· School refusal often associated with some anxiety about going to school.
· May occur following a period of closeness to parent(s) such as; a holiday, or brief parental illness.
Could also follow a stressful occurance such as; death of a pet or relative, a change of school or move to new school.
· Can manifest in child feeling unwell, with sickness, headaches, tummy aches, poor appetite and frequent visits to the toilet.
So what causes school refusal?
· No single cause.
· Family problems and school difficulties may play a part.
· In young children, perhaps the arrival of a younger sibling might be the trigger.
· Some children are more prone to anxiety and worry.
· Being bullied at school, problems with school work or with teachers and peers.
Where can you get help and what can be done?
· Your child needs to be able to talk to you and their teachers about any worries they may have.
· Your child needs to know you are taking their problems seriously.
· Make sure they know you are there to support them.
· Involve your child in planning how best to overcome problems.
· You and your child’s teachers should work together to get your child back to school as quickly as possible.
· Seek to ‘sort out’ any underlying problems such as bullying, this will aid a speedy return to school.
· School should be vigilent about child’s attendance and reward any and all improvements.
And how can you manage the situation?
· Agree goals for your child’s return to school.
· Form strong links with the school to sort out any underlying difficulties and support any return to school plan.
· Consider a phased return to school with a steady increase in attendance at each stage.
· You may initially need to take your child to school to support return.
· Take a firm and consistent approach to the plans for returning to school – there might be a degree of distress in the intial stages which needs to be managed calmly, and praise given when your child succeeds.
· Agree a safe haven at school where your child can go at difficult times-avoid picking up your child at these times.
· Expect that when your child returns to school there maybe a reoccurrance of the difficulties.
Thambirajah et. al (2008) provide a very helpful list of ‘Do’s & Don’ts’ for parent’s, which I thought might be useful to highlight;
Do’s
· Try to strictly adhere to the return to school pla.n
· Parents need to work together on their child’s difficulties, present a united front.
· Be firm & consistant in approach; set firm rules and get your child to school every morning.
· Place reasonable pressure on your child to go to school – ignore protests –
Support the partner charged with taking your child to school, be prepared to take time off in the early stages of the return to school plan.
· If your child does not make it in the morning they should be made to go after a period of settling down.
· Contact the allocated teacher or key worker daily to ensure plan is working.
· Be prepared to manage your own anxieties and reservations without discussing them with the child; keep parental issues separate from your child’s issues.
· Discuss your problems with the appropriate professionals.
· Praise your child for adhering to the plan; give credit to the child (and not the plan).
· Expect to tolerate anxiety symptoms your child may compalin of (abdominal pain, diarrhoea, etc)
· Make sure you spend protected time with your child independent of the school attendance problems; do not make the school refusal problem the main topic of your conversation at home.
· When your child is not at school (or in home tuition) ensure that you set a timetable for the day that includes getting up from bed in time and study hours.
· It is crucially important for there to be good communication with the school.
And Don’ts…….
* Don’t provide excuses for your child to remain at home – it merely intensifies the problems.
* Don’t allow your anxieties and worries to get in the way of the return to school plan; discuss them with your partner or the professionals involved.
* Don’t let your child see your doubts and worries; keep it within the adult system.
* Don’t let your child watch TV, play computer games or enjoy other activities when they are home during school hours no in school. Create an environment of ‘solitary confinement’ as long as the child is at home.
* Don’t seek repeated medical advice for your child or minor ailments or give non-prescription drugs for the child’s physical complaints.
* Don’t criticise school or teachers in your child’s presence; remember children are clever at picking up non-verbal cues and a mere look of disapproval will be capitalised on by your child.
* Don’t change. It is usually unhelpful because the problems tend to recur in the new setting.
Source supporting this piece;
‘Understanding School Refusal’ by M.S. Thambirajah, Karen J. Grandison, Louise De-Hayes (2008)
For information about Jefferson Heights International Services please visit; www.jhiserves.co.uk